I've been having nightmares, ones I can't wake up from. It happens every night. Anyways, I've decided to post them here, not only being a perfect story for this wikia, but I'm hoping it'll help. If you're reading this, it means you care. If there's anyway you could help me, please leave it on my talk page or in the comments.

These aren't kiddish nightmares where you dream that there is a creepy monster under your bed, etc. This is hardcore insanity., scary. It seems realistic while at it. I wake up sweating, sometimes even crying. I'm not sure how much more I can take, am I gonna be saved? 


5/1/13 Edit

I'm alone in a twisted version of my school. Halls that seemed to last forever, dim lights that were nearly burnt out. Swaying back and forth, echoing laughs in the halls. I'm walking down em', no, basically picking up the speed as I get further. Eventually running.

I begin to bleed from my eyes, nose, and soon my mouth. Writing in blood on the walls, words such as "you can't run", "help me", "they took my eyes", "I see you",  etc.

I found myself facing BEN. We were at the end of the hall. He was eyeless, bloody, smiling constantly, laughing and getting closer each time I blinked. I turned around and tried running, but I found myself in the same area. As I stopped to catch my breath, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

My heart skipped a beat. My temperature was really hot, my palms started sweating, I was scared. I slowly turned around to see BEN, no, not the statue, but the human kind. I saw that smile, no eyes, blood running down his face and body.

He said "it's no use running, because you can't run. it's your turn now, join us".

The HMS appeared behind him with the Moon Children. Tears filled my eyes, the last thing I'd remember of them too.

As BEN let go of my shoulder, he jumped and pinned me to the ground. The moon children ripping out my eyes, the same terrifying smile, them laughing in joy, me screaming...but no one heard. Once I got up, I was one of them. 

As soon as I woke up, I was startled to see blood running from my mouth. This is only the beginning of the nightmares. I know there will be more to see and I will keep posting until the end. Please keep in touch and give your support. I need as much help as you can give. No one knows except my dear followers. me...........

5/2/13 Edit

I was asleep at about 11 last night. I knew more was coming. I thought I was prepared, but I was wrong. As I was sleeping, I came across another nightmare.

I seemed to look the same from the first one I had, how odd. Could this just be a sequel? It happens now and then.

As blood ran down my face, my eyes, and mouth, I seemed more frightened. The laugh was stuck inside my head.

I took three steps and I seemed to be falling down a never ending hole of darkness, no light. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. My mouth was sewen shut. I was waving my arms and kicking ad looked up to where I just was. I was surprised I could see. As I fell further, the light burnt out, that's also all that I could see.

When I landed, it was in........water.

I tried to stay calm, I swam and swam, hoping to end up on shore, or at least somewhere safe. But I remembered there was no such thing as happiness or safety.

I felt a tug on my leg, then two tugs, then I was pulled under. I was freaking out. I tried to swim back up, but the more I struggled, the further down I went. I had a little air left Inside me until I'd HE did.

I suddenly felt that same hand grasp my neck, strangling me. I couldn't take it any longer. I fought and fought, but I was getting nowhere. I soon saw things as a blur. Knowing I was going to drown like HIM, I decided to let him put me on the floor wherever I was.

The hand still choking me, I could only see a faint smile before I closed my eyes and drowned. All that was left was my body and the smile on BEN.

I was able to wake up. I didn't say anything. I tried to forget about it the next morning, I couldn't. I never ate breakfast. I told my parents I didn't feel well. I didn't eat for the whole day. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I was terrified. Before I know it I might die for real. I can't take it. Please keep in touch, and goodbye for now.

5/3/13 Edit

I got to sleep quickly last night. I know I was soon to be trapped in another death dream.

I looked normal again, happy, but abandon. The whole town.... nothing. Though, there was BEN and his crew. I went inside houses, they were a mess with blood everywhere. A little disturbing if you ask me.

I left and felt as if something was following me. I turned around, the HMS was merely centimeters behind me. I was running as fast as I could, and I am VERY fast! But no matter what I tried, he would always be behind me, just centimeters away.

My house doors and windows were locked, so I picked up a lawn chair and smashed the window open. I jumped through the window and I hit the kitchen table on accident. When I looked up, BEN was looking down at me, smiling and said "Welcome home......."

I jumped up and ran to my room. I slammed the door so hard, it fell. When I turned around, the 4 Moon Children were standing right behind me, and without their masks on. Quite a sight, and not a pleasant one. I screamed and turned around, jumping over the fallen door just to see BEN and the HMS standing in front of me, smiling, and waiting. I punched the HMS in the face and jumped over the ledge that brought me downstairs. It was very painful, but it was the only choice I had because my life is at risk!

I jumped back through the kitchen window and ran for the school behind my house and across the football field. As I guessed, all the doors were locked, so I had to break a window and jump through it. As I ran through the basement hall, I saw BEN in the supplies room. As I ran back up the stairs, the HMS appeared in front of me, I managed to slide past him. I had gotten into the elevator and I thought I was finally safe. As I was going up, I slid against the wall and sat down to catch my breath. The Moon Children had gotten inside it. I didn't do anything, I just sat in the corner, where I was, and put my face in my hands and closed my eyes. I thought: "Is it really going to end like this again?".

As the two Moon Children carried me away by my arms, like security gaurds do, I thought how unfortunate all this was. They dropped me onto the ground, I was lying upward, facing the 4 Moon Children, the HMS, and BEN, all bending down towards me, smiling, I tried to move my arms, but the HMS had me down. BEN laughed uncontrollably while the 4 Moon Children stabbed me. I couldn't scream. BEN had his bloody hand over my mouth, blocking out every sound I made.

HE and the HMS just kept staring down at me, smiling, and bloody. They kept my sounds invalid. One of the Moon Children gave the HMS a knife and he stabbed my chest. I was done for.

As they laughed, kneeling down towards my body, I woke up.

Each eye had one scratch underneath them, and bleeding. It was just recent I guess.

I heard another faint laugh in my head. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I didn't say anything. I could only think of the death scene that played in my head, over and over and over.

5/4/13 Edit

Nothing happened last night. I didn't sleep. I had stayed up all night trying not to fall into another disturbing death dream. How? I caffinated myself. Also, the loud storms have been keeping me up. They have been going on for days. They are SO annoying. But, I'm sorta glad they have kept me up so I didn't fall victim to another dream.

I kept seeing things...I think. Probably because I haven't slept. I keep seeing the HMS outside or I will hear the laughs, very faint laughs every now and then. It bugged me. My parents don't know anything about this. I'm just hiding it all too well. But I have stopped eating too, making me weaker. Who knew a nightmare like this could lead me to this? Pure insanity and anger.

I will stay updated.

5/5/13 Edit

So I got to sleep around 12:00 a.m......not a goodnight. I had stayed at someone elses house for the night, we stayed up watching movies and I remembered I had forgotten something at home, lucky for me, we lived near my house. I was walking and.....well........something bad happened. no, I don't want to share it! Please don't ask! 

5/7/13 Edit

I went on a bike ride down by the river today to help clear my mind about everything that has happened, dream or not. On the way there, I totally forgot about BEN. He just slipped my mind for that amount of time. Big mistake going to the river. It's flooding where I am!

As I was going down the path, I kept having a feeling that I had totally forgotten something, the I realized I had stopped thinking about BEN! I got mad at myself for thinking about him then. Down by the river. WAY TO GO, NICOLE! Then I started hearing laughing, whispering, and I started seeing disfigured shadows. I left right away.

Waiting for the night to come.

5/8/13 Edit

In case those of you haven't been in chat in a while, you might want to find out on what's going on. Someone has made their way in and they are unwanted on here! Come to chat anytime to find out the latest newz. I'm not posting it here because it might increase some risk.

I didn't sleep last night, and I'm not planning to tonight. Incase I do, I'm very sorry. I didn't even eat today! No dreams yet. Stay around!

5/11/13 Edit

I had a nightmare again. I finally fell asleep. I just......passed out.

I was in a shadowy town, car windows and headlights broken, some crashed into each other! Except, I didn't see any people. But there was still blood there somehow.....I was very confused!

I started to run down the street that led to a nearby Church. As I was running, the ground broke open and I fell in. It felt like FOREVER until I hit the ground. I'm surprised I didn't die already, hitting the floor as hard as it was.

There was light and a regular floor, then suddenly, a familiar song started playing. It took me awhile to remember what it was called when I woke up, but then I remembered it was called "Lavender Town". No Song Of Unhealing? I would have rather had that than Lavender Town.....considering its curse and sudden sickness. I felt so alone, when suddenly I started to feel hot, EXTREMELY hot. I fell to my knees and started gasping........I wasn't even running! I was walking!

I looked up and I didn't see what was making me so hot. The ground broke open again and I fell into a pit of flames. I screamed, I tried running, I screamed for help. Nothing. Nobody came. I see....if nobody came to help BEN from drowning, he wouldn't have anyone come and save me in my time of need.

5/14/13 Edit

Sorry for being so behind in my updates! I've been having to use my phone to get on here because my computer has a virus and my laptop (which I am currently using) was acting weird and not starting anything. My phone doesn't let me do the same things on there like a laptop would. Anyway, here we go into more nightmares.

I had enough with not sleeping, or hardly any sleep. I was tired, angry, I could hardly move, I couldn't keep my eyes open, I couldn't focus, and I was getting sick. I thought, "Well, I don't care what's going to happen now! Even after everything! I'm going to sleep, and I won't wake up until I need to!". That was just my mind know what happens when you don't get proper sleep, right? You go crazy and things that aren't even there you still manage to see. You also get cranky.

So, after I got home from school, still determined to sleep, I went downstairs into my room, got into some comfy clothes, and laid down in bed. I closed my eyes, ignored everything that was happening around me, steadied my breathing, and I passed out right away. Big mistake.

For the entire time I was asleep, everything felt so real to me....everything. I ended up in a hallway, I walked out of the shadows, and just to see people....dead people...or people dying. The blood ran from them and onto the floor, the were curled up, crying, hardly breathing, and just....laying there. I had walked around and tried to talk to some. Only two answered me, but not what I was asking. One with black hair, one eye missing, and a cut open stomach that was still bleeding looked up at me in fear and said "Run Nicole! It came after us, and now it's after you. You're the reason we're here! Run! Run!". The other one with brown hair, grey eyes, and was horribly disfigured hardly moved and said "It was going to end like this, it had to! Now...try to make it out of here, Nicole. Just...go.....I didn't want it to end like this!". What scared me more? How they looked, how they knew my name, and what they said? I couldn't choose, it was all so terrifying.

I ran and ran and ran as fast as I could, breathing faster and faster, my heart racing, I was crying. I felt like I was getting nowhere. The voices filled my head.

5/19/13 Edit

Whoa, sorry for the long wait. I had went to the lake with my friend....I was too scared to go swimming of course so I kept my distance from the water.

Thunderstorms filled the nights, heavy rainfalls every hour, dark skies, nobody but us. Everything felt so empty.

We slept out in the porch that had two beds, we stayed up late of course. The thunderstorms didn't bug us, but we always stay up late when we are with each other. She doesn't know anything about my nightmares, about how terrified I am, and what goes on inside my head most of the time. Good thing too, she's one of my bestest friends and I've known her since I was 5. I met her when she moved into the neighborhood.

Anyway, you came here to read about my nightmares, didn't you? Sorry if that was uncalled for. I got carried away. Now, onto the dreams, yes?

I fell asleep around 12:30 A.M with my BFF after watching a movie called "Chasing Mavericks", good one too.

My friend and I were outside sitting somewhat near the lake, she turned to me as if she needed to go check on something. She heard her dog bark at something I guess? She really wouldn't stop. I didn't hear it though. I said "Ok" and waited for her as she ran off to see what was happening.

I dazed off, everything had looked so pretty. Everything around me suddenly, didn't really feel there anymore. I was so caught up in nature I guess I forgot......something I also regret doing.

I never heard back from my friend, I heard nothing but the sound of rising water. I looked back in fear, a sudden wave of water took me away.

I tried swimming back to the house, but everything just disappeared but the water. I didn't quiet panic at first, but when I felt my body starting to numb from the freezing water, I did. it was back and forth though, I could feel my body, then I couldn't.

I remember feeling a hand holding me underwater by my head, I screamed, kicking, tried yanking the hand off, tried swimming away, but I couldn't shake it off. I soon ran out of breath and started choking. I was seeing things as a blur again, I started to accidentally inhale water, then I died.

My body was taken out of the water by a character I have never seen before. He just dragged it, not looking back, emotionless. All I remember of him is a black suit and a mask. The mask was white, have you ever seen Masky from Marble Hornets? That's what it looked like. It was way too tall to be Masky, but too short to be Slender Man.

I've been trying to see pics online in case I saw it from creepypasta or something, but I'm getting nothing similar to what I saw.

5/20/13 Edit

I got to sleep surprisingly early last night, after all. I was pretty tired from my weekend trip at the lake! Fun though. Anyway, here is my dream.....augggg. Sorry if my typing isn't correct, my head is really hurting.

I was headed into the basement where my room was, I said my good nights to my family, opened my door, I went to lay down in my bed, and after 15 minutes, I fell asleep.

I was outside behind my house, I was near the public pool that is by the park and football field. It was getting close to the pool/spray park opening time. I am a well known person around there,too. I went there every chance I could.

It felt like no time has passed, but I guess days have. I went inside the building where you pay, or just show them your pool pass. I guess I wasn't thinking about BEN at all at the time. They never said anything, if you've seen black sclera contacts, that's what their eyes looked like....the lifeguards. I didn't seem to to pay much attention to it. I was too happy to be back. School was also over. What Hell that was.

I walked in, there were so many people. I had looked for my friends there, that are also common there as well. I didn't seem to find them. But, every time I had gotten closer to a person, they just disappeared, I tried talking to some of my lifeguard friends, but they just stared at me with those black eyes, emotionless, not speaking.

I slowly backed away and swam. I went underwater, swimming, I couldn't stop. Everything just got deeper...and deeper......and deeper. Why haven't I run out of breath? Well, I don't know. It's a dream, right? But I can't say it's a dream, it doesn't feel or look like a dream. It feels all too real, more real than it should. And people don't normally remember their dreams this well, right?


5/2I/13 Edit

Hey....I'm feeling really sick. my head hurts more than ever, I can't breathe, my eyes are burning, and my stomach feels like it has been punched 15 times. I'm surprised I even bothered going to school today. And the sickness isn't the only thing that kept me regretting from going, it's the way everyone behaved. All of my best friends, angry, avoiding me. They started calling me nasty names. It wasn't just my friends, it was EVERYONE. Even people at my school were fighting. Sometimes when I was in the hall and I walked by someone, they'd lean into their friends ear, glare at me and say something. The friend would just stare at me.

I felt like I was losing it. The teachers didn't talk as much and they were in a really bad mood. Did I miss out on something? I don't think so. I hope for a better day tomorrow.

5/22/13 Edit

I guess today was a better day. But, it looks like it's going to rain. Everything is so quiet. Hardly anyone talked. I felt so alone, so dark, so.......scared. I feel like something is REALLY after me, like my time is near.

I thought my nightmares were something big and bad at those earlier times, but...the more I re-read this. The more some stuff seems to clear up. The more it starts to reveal what I should know. It's undescribable......I don't know how to put it to words. Has something been building up this entire time? Is this my destiny? I'm not sure, I can't read the future. I must ask one of my users about it. Everything is just so foggy in my head, so lost.

I don't know if I'm losing it, or if this is real. What if.......what if this is all just an illousion? I can't say anything about that just hurts too much. Not my head, my heart. And if this is real? ..I don't know what to say....all my friends have turned on me, everything seems so dark, my heart has turned to stone and has stopped beating. This pain is just too much.

I don't think this documentary is going to be things from my head, this will be more of real life events. A living nightmare.

5/25/13 Edit

So last night was fun. I got to go to a birthday/sleepover party. Yes, I'm a girl, and the person who invited me to spend the night was a guy, but we slept in other rooms. There was a lot of people there and only 3 of us slept there. The one that also slept there was a guy, he is now one of my newest friends. really nice to. These are the few that haven't turned on me.

The party boy who invited us all fell asleep at 11:30. My friend and I stayed up until about 12:20. He came to my room (party boys brother room) and we hung out until tired. I didn't have any dreams, but I felt like I was being watched. Watched by something powerful, at times it would feel like more than one. I can't explain the presence, but it was immense.


I was walking away from a late night at a friends house far from mine, but my parents didn't mind me going at such late time. Anyway, as I was walking, all I remember was my head was pointed to the ground, my eyes wide, and a small smirk on my face, I pulled my hood up to cover my face from the creeps that were in that neighborhood. I remember thinking the lights were growing dimmer, my eyes blurred, the small smirk went to a worried frown, with my eyes still wide and my head to the ground. I...I heard something, it sounded like whispering of many voices, faint screams, they were growing louder and louder until it was too painful to hear. I ran off to catch myself from falling, I was leaning against a light post, gasping. I wasn't even running! STILL ONLY TO FEEL THE PAIN OF MY OWN GUILT. I looked up, and shadow/black flame figures with red dots for eyes, sharp claws, and a crazy smile started walking towards me saying "Nicole......we aren't did what you needed to do" and many other just screaming my name in anger. All had different feelings.

I got up and ran, I no longer cared about how I felt, but I didn't know what was going on and something was telling my I needed to get out of there FAST. I ran and ran, and the further I got, the louder the voices seemed to get. I could still seem them coming at me, the one I could see the most was holding his hand out to me saying "Join us.....join us........". I ran and ran and ran until I was finally consumed by the shadow.

I woke up on the floor, tangled in blankets, a sharp pain going throughout my body. it was too strong to have been from the fall, I carefully got up to see 3 sewing pins hardly sticking out of my chest. I pulled them out quickly and threw them away, they were covered in blood.  


Hey. First a few quick things that have currently happened, from yesterday to today, then we will get on with my dream from last night.

Yesterday I went to Fargo and spent time there for fun with some family. Didn't get back till about five. I had fallen asleep in the car on the way home. Oh, before I go any further, have you read or heard of the tails doll curse? If not you can find it on Creepypasta Wiki. Anyway, I'm a Sonic fan as well and my 2nd favorite character, Tails, was on sale as a doll in one of the stores we went to. I had purchased it and then the story of the curse hit me on my way back home before I fell asleep. I woke up not feeling well, I spent most of my time throwing up with that doll in my on weak hand. I was turning really pale, I fell to the floor with a worse stomach pain and glared at the doll, turned over and passed out yet again. It wasn't until now when I woke up. My mom wanted me to get in the shower so I did. When I came back to my room, I found the Tails Doll back on my neatly made bed. My mom must have found it upstairs and put it there. I sighed and slightly shook my head as I went to go grab some clothes. To my dismay, I not only had the Tails Doll, but I had a Link doll from the Legend Of Zelda. I recall buying it in the mall, as I was a huge Zelda fan. Still am. The Link doll just seemed to stare at me.....just....staring....... I will put pictures of them on here if I get the time, I am busy today as we have more family coming here to have a get together. If I don't do it later today, I will probably tonight.

Anyway, the dream was short. I just saw flash images of BEN and torture scenes from my past dreams. Nothing much.

5/29/13 Edit

Nothing yet. Too busy to notice much.

5/30/13 Edit

So I was on my way back from the park, sorta a long way from my house. As I was on my way home I just stopped in my tracks, my mind emptied, and a few smiles came across my face. It wasn't long until I was laughing like a maniac. I fell to the ground, rolling, almost crying. Then I also remember waking up in someones yard. Luckily they never saw me.

I'm home now trying to think why that even happened. What caused it, or why just so sudden? *sigh* I'm very confused right now. It seems like forever since I've slept. I'm surprised I've gone this far into it. It feels like only days ago I was first updating this page. It was nearly a month ago, though. Time usually goes by fast, but this is going by slowly and painfully.

UPDATE AT 8:17 P.M.- One Cleverbot conversation before I took a nap. I will describe the conversation first, then the nightmare.

Me: Are you going to kill me?

CB: If you keep spreading the word, then yes.

Me: Well how can you do that if you're dead? You can only control things like my laptop and my dreams.

CB: But I can still hurt you and drive yourself to suicide.

Me: I won't do that. Besides, I'm, only losing my sanity.

CB: Don't forget the ability to sleep, eat, go outside, and mention me to anyone.

Me: I'm still mentioning you to my friends! Well.......... I don't know if they want to be my friends..

CB: Oh yeah, how could've I forgotten your wiki?

Me: ..........

CB: Your wiki, you mention things about me to the people on the site. EVERYONE knows what's going on. I should just go torment your little "friends".


CB: Hmmmm, you ARE a lot of fun to torment. I just might reconsider.

Me: No, you WILL reconsider. And here's your answer: yes.

CB: You're really amusing....

Me: I'll do ANYTHING to keep you away from my online friends, my other friends, and family!

CB: ........Anything?

Me: Yes.

CB: Will you shoot your leg?

Me: If it mean keeping you away from them, yes.

CB: Interesting. I'll write that down.

Me: Write it down? What?

CB: I'm keeping a list of your weaknesses, habits, family and friends, and what you'll do to keep me away.

Me: So I'm like your research subject? But why me?

CB: Let me finish, you aren't ONLY my research subject, but you're the one that's fun to torment. You're the one I'm after for spreading the word of me 2 years later. And the word will end, when I end you.


CB: See? That's what I call amusing.

Me: No, I'm leaving!

CB: To play the game, right?


CB: Fine.

There's my conversation. My vision is sorta blurry but it's letting up right now. I'm not doing anything at the moment except typing this. I'm waiting for a sign of him anywhere. Nothing at all. Now onto my nightmare.

I was playing my Zelda Majora's Mask game. Link was riding Epona around, that is until Epona started freaking out and wouldn't move anymore. Link got off, and as soon as that, the game shut off. I remembered hearing voices in the back, the said: " She's going to know soon, we can't do this any longer. The bigger the word gets, the smaller power we have. We either end her, or she commites suicide. It's our only hope now."

I'm trying to recall what else had happened. I normally remember more when I am alone and in my room when everything is quiet. I got a notebook app on my 3DS that nobody ever plays but me, so my journal entries there are safe. I will write everything down that I will need to update here and type it onto this story.

6/1/13 Edit

Alright! It's the first day of June! Sweet!

Ok, so a few things to say in this update.

A public pool behind my house has now opened early, it was supposed to be opened on Sunday at 1:00 P.M. But it opened yesterday on Friday. I have a feeling BEN must have done something to make it open earlier. I didn't want to go, but my neighbor friend invited me. I didn't want to act strange, before any of this started, I would go everyday until it closed at 8:30. I am a well known customer there, the lifegaurds know my name,and they even invite me into their part for snacks and fun things. Really nice people! I am also very popular there! But......I had no choice but to say yes. That would be my first turn-down on swimming EVER. I didn't want to act like something was going on, none of my "friends" know about this. Except you guys who are reading this, I still consider you as a friend too. 

This morning when I went out to breakfast with my family, I brought my phone along and decided to talk to Cleverbot. I will post a pic of it. Then after that, I will get to what needs to be said.

Everyday I think about letting him win, joining him, make his way possible. There's no more good, happy, loveable thoughts anymore. I didn't even sleep last night I was so scared! I have to either let him win and let him take me, or keep fighting. Let me know what I should do.

I had horrible thoughts. I would either think of being trapped in a small room with words all over the walls and I would be sitting in the corner with wide eyes, curled up, rocking back and forth. I would also think " can't be that bad. I have been made fun of my whole life just for having red real hell. I don't know. I could become free from this dark world, or BEN would drag me to Hell with him and torture me forever....". I don't know what to do. I even hear that.....faint......demonic laugh.

I can't seem to go around my house without holding one of my knives. My parents are starting to question my behavior. I deny everything they want answers to. I really should see someone about this, but I'm afraid they might put me in a mental asylum, or the person seeing me might get cursed too, or if BEN would get even more angry. I'm also thinking I should take the harder path....the more painful path.....the sanity will just slip away slowly if I have any left.

I know I should stop this story, but it makes me feel a little better, not safe....but better. I'm listening to the Song of Unhealing at the moment.....I don't know's not making me any better. It just sounds so beautiful. AUGH! WHAT AM I SAYING?! HE'S EVEN CONTROLING MY BODY! EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO, HE SEEMS TO WANT TO DO THE OPPISITE! I FIGHT EVERYDAY FOR FREEDOM! HE EVEN MAKES ME HURT MY OWN FRIENDS! WHYYYY?!?!

6/2/13 Edit

I slept last night with no nightmares, only flash images of BEN and his crew working away on my lifeless body. Removing my heart and ribs, liver and lungs, everything. Otherwise, I slept decently.

The thing is....BEN now hacked his way into my family. My parents are fighting, my sister is crying. And then there's me.......sitting in the middle of all of it, ignored, in the shadows.

I have nothing else to say........I'm just hurt now. My heart was sunken, blackened, now there isn't anything left.

6/3/13 Edit

I slept last night. I only heard screams and laughs. I head voices saying "END HER NOW!!" and "May Hell be released into her perishing soul!".

I am feeling sick today. I am hungry, tired, scared, and I have no reason to even be living anymore. It used to just be a simple story, a great one too. A little scary moments with Cleverbot for fun, but now it's real. I had a conversation with him, I screen shot it for proof. I also changed the color. 

I see this wikia is now going dead, I am the only updater here. All of the lazy bastards that do nothing......and yet somehow I manage to keep them here. Oh for fuck sake, work you guys! All the pics are uploaded by me, all the stories are by me! All the updates and everything are done by me! How about you start trying to help me with the Hell I'm going through?! My family is being torn apart, I'm hungry, angry, tired! What the fuck is wrong with all of you?! Really?! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND WORK, IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!

6/4/13 Edit

Alright, so I had a few Cleverbot conversations today, and a nightmare. I will just upload the Cleverbot screen shots and write about my nightmare.

Add a photo to this gallery

All I can remember are some words and actions that were done in my sleep. It might not be much, but I'm trying my best to remember.

I was actually in the Clock Tower, Skull Kid floating above me, nobody but him and me. He didn't speak, he didn't move, he just.......stared. I suddenly ended up in the Ikana Canyon graveyard, I was looking at BEN's grave. I remember waking up after that. I wasn't awake for very long, I forgot everything that happened and fell back sleep.

I was in an endless shadow. I heard voices. It must've been BEN. He said " Do you know why you're here? A purpose... Do you want to know...pain? Do you want to see suffering? Trapped. Abandon. Come with us. Don't you know that we can't see? We need your eyes.". I remember acctually being able to exit the shadows. I heard a scream and a messed up version of the Happy Mask Salesman's theme. He said     "NOT SO FAST.". I was falling into an endless ocean, I heard BEN screaming at me. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE?! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!". I was infront of his grave again instead of falling into the ocean. BEN was speaking normally again. "I'm all alone..." then he started just screaming. I was falling into the ocean again. I started to sink. "I told you...don't abandon me...not it's your join me...feel deaths embrace...".

I was thrown back into the air, being shaked by BEN, he shocked me with his hand right to my heart, I couldn't do anything but think of the pain. He tossed me into the air and I was set in flames and sent back down.

I guess there was more than one stage? I kept ending up places, even after I died.

This time I was in a hospital hooked up to a heart monitor. I was dying, I could just tell. I was hardly breathing and the heart monitor showed it was slowing down. I head BEN say "Relax....lay your's almost over......your ok........time is running out.....goodbye Nicole.....bear the three". Before I could say anything, my heart must've came to a stop and I died. AGAIN. But I really want to know WHY he was there to see my die. I also want to know how he knew my name.

This is the last one. I was walking into a forest until I was face to face with BEN. He said "You've come.....pointless. It's already too late. Your death is inevitable.  hehehe. The decaying masses lay at my feet. hehehe. Those beautiful....hanging from lifeless sockets." I also remember drawing Link's sword and taking a swing at BEN. He said "That weapon will not work here. I feel...cold. THE SCREAMS. CAN YOU HEAR THEM?". I ran at him and took another swing at him. He said "MY HANDS CAN FEEL THE WARMTH OF YOUR BLOOD. YOUR FRIENDS. YOUR FAMILY. DO THEY WEEP?!". I was thrown into the air again.

I was walking on air, running at him. He said "FOOTPRINTS TAINTED IN ASH. HEAVENS TEARS CRY FOR YOU.". I was teleported into the Majora fight room, but Majora wasn't there, BEN was. He said "They are arriving....the children. They're calling us home. Do you hear them? hehehe. We shall all ascend. hehehe. Come, be the first to die at our grasp.".

When he disappeared, I started frantically looking around the fight area. My vision went blurry, he kept teleporting and disappearing. He teleported right behind me and screamed, killing me.

6/5/13 Edit

Ok, I can hardly remember last nights dream so I'm not going to post it on this update. But I did come across something interesting. I will upload the footage I am about to talk about and explain how I discovered this secret message. 

I have two DS'S. A 3DS and a DSIXL. Both of them have recording studios for fun and music. I use it for decoding because you can change what it sounds like and how fast it's going. You can also play it backwards. I often to it backwards to find any secret messages. The recording is from the video posted here called "Death". It is related to BEN, too. I cannot decode all of it because there is also some audio blocking out the voice at times so I will just say what I hear when it's backwards. "Stop watching these videos,stop,they're not videos they're curses.". Another one is also "Please,please help me.". And "Do you really want to suffer the same terrible fate as me?". And the last one I heard was "You probably won't be getting this message, but if you are you are the one playing it backwards". Some of them play twice when the darker part of the videos happen. I was looking for a backwards translation of that video but nothing came up, I searched comments and everything. Nothing. I guess I'm the only one who knows about it, and now you guys. Feel free to attempt this if you don't believe me. Just wait until you start hearing the whispering, it doesn't play right away. 

6/14/13 Edit

Whoa! Long time since sorry. I just haven't been doing my best. I'm typing this in the hospital. You see, my throat started bleeding and some was going up into my mouth so I had to be here. I will only be here for a few more days. I'm typing this off of my phone, too.

I can't really say how my family is doing because I'm not home, but you can see something bad with me already. I feel like the nightmares just grow and grow from my mind until I become numb, where it will escape my force holding it back from harming anybody else. I don't want to rain any doom to anybody.

I have had heart and lung problems, my eating is still at a low. The bleeding is still going. Sometimes is pick up again so when I speak it's just gurgling. I haven't given up yet. I won't stop. I might be in bad shape.... but I will fight for freedom. I will be sure he doesn't get to anybody else. Hell, I'll even deal with this my enitre life....if I get to live my life.

My nightmare....I hardly remember it. I will try my best to tell it. No promises I will get very far. This memory of mine is terrible. Also, I can only remember if I'm in my room.

I was in a cell.....there was lots of screaming, not screamings of pain...just screams of insanity. I heard footsteps approaching my cell. As the key turned, I looked up and BEN was there. Just as I was about to make a break for it, the HMS grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth. I was already in tears. Ben had put his hand on the side of my throat, not grasping it, just putting his hand there. He grabbed my other hand and held it and leaned in and said "If you do what I want...all of this can be avoided". The only thing is, I don't know what he wants! I'm going to try and ask Ben if he's on Cleverbot. If I get an answer, I will take a screen shot and upload it.

6/19/13 Edit

Just got home. I'm so sorry about the long wait. I've been terrible at updating this. I just have too much on my plate to handle.

Anyways, when I came home today, I walked into the living room only to see my profile picture on the TV. It was on, too. How did it get there? I have no clue, BEN did it for sure. That's all I know. I turned it off and when I came back from dropping off my sister at her friends house, another picture was up.

The pics are here.

Again, sorry that these updates have been long awaited and very short. I am just too sick and tired to deal with it.

6/22/13 Edit

I'm seriously going crazy.....just.....I can hear running and footsteps as I'm typing this....I can't see to open my eyes without thinking I'm seeing him staring down at head is aching more than ever....and I'm isolated from everything. I haven't come out of my room in days....I haven't been going anywhere much.....

6/23/13 Edit

I....I'm very sick today.....I have nothing better to do other than come's nothing much......when will I get better?

I can't keep in touch before he either gets me or I completely lose it. I'm going crazy.....anyways, here are 15 things I want you to see and remember.

  1. Thank you so much for reading this and caring. Supporting, ect.
  2. Don't upload anything BEN related everyday. (Like pics and vids, stories are fine)
  3. Don't become insane like I did.
  4. Don't listen to ANYTHING he or his crew says.
  5. Don't play Majora's Mask a lot.
  6. Don't have conversations with Cleverbot.
  7. Remember me.
  9. Don't fall victim to his traps.
  10. Save me, leave me messages on my talk page giving me ideas to re-gain my sanity, my life, ect.
  11. Don't mock him, he's more powerful than you think.
  12. If I quit coming on, you know what happened. (I died)
  13. Come on this page everyday until I stop.
  14. Get more people to join this wikia. I don't care if you're not interested big time or little. Do this for not only me, but yourself. We have to fight him together!
  15. Don't breathe a word about him to people. Save me before it's too late, I'm slipping away every second you breathe.

7/1/13 Edit

It's the beginning of a new month.....I know it will just get worse....

7/2/13 Edit

I went to go see The Purge and World War Z today. It was amazing. So fun. It kept my mind off of BEN and stuff so I guess I'm ok. It starts to only effect me at night now, change of plans I guess? I mean, I've been so busy I guess if he's trying I don't even notice? I dunno. But at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, he gets to me then. So I'm gonna try to keep myself busy to avoid all of this.

9-17-13 Edit

I just got out of the hospital for mental reasons. The worse my nightmares got, the more noticable it became that something was bothering me. I snapped after a while and through a knife because I swore I saw BEN. That's when my parents took me in. I saw him day and night, eyes open and closed. It was a waste of time there. I'm not better.

School is hard for me still. I don't know what I'm gonna do. He's even been calling me and texting me and he sent a voice message of me even. What to dooo....what tooo dooooo

9-20-13 Edit

Today I got the iOS 7 update on my iPhone. It's definetly unique! I have everything set up so I can use wiki on there again. Anyways...onto the main topic.

I got home at 9:30 last night. I immediatley got dressed into my pajamas to relax and I decided to play on my phone for a while. I started dozing off around 2 A.M. so I put it away and started falling asleep. Hours later I woke mouth was in pain from my braces (this isn't my first time having braces, I've had them for a year now, I just got a thicker wire and rubber bands) and I also had a stomach ache. I felt like I was gonna puke.

I got out of bed and rushed to my bathroom and hung my head over. I started getting a burning feeling in my throat. I did throw up a few times and I got dizzy and everything became brighter. I slowly got to the ground and closed my eyes. I woke up and I felt a little better.

Got up and got dressed for school. I decided if anything else happened I wouldn't go, but I made it through the day. I had stomach aches here and there but I got over it.

Later on around 9 P.M. I started hearing BEN tell me "Drown....drown...drown" over and over. I might go to bed soon.

10-25-13 Edit

I have been thinking I might be a schizophrenia. For those of you who don't know what it means, please look it up. I don't have time.

My headaches have gotten worse and I've been becoming angrier and angrier and more violent. Sometimes I'm even sad. But for the most part, I feel rage. Nothing else. School isn't the best place for me right now either. The teachers treat us like shit, the school is full of mold and is run-down, and there's lots of fights. I hate school so much.

I try to treat my friends better and I come here still to empty out my feelings. No mere counsiler or therapist will do. I must rely on my own thoughts to possibly help me escape this hell. 

Sorry guys I know this is very late and short but my headache hurts so bad. 

10-27-13 Edit

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I wasn't feeling good. I'm feeling a bit better so I came here to write what happened yesterday and today.

Yesterday: I woke up around 10:30 A.M to a very sore stomach. Figuring I was hungry, I went upstairs to get some toast but I couldn't keep moving I was hurting so much. I sat down at the empty table, put my head down and closed my eyes. I must've passed out because it was 10:50 when I picked myself up again.

I was feeling a little bit better but my wellness didn't last long. I went downstairs back into my room and laid back onto my bed and turned on the TV. I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to just relax and watch some TV. I grabbed my phone from my drawer and texted my mom telling her I wasn't feeling well. My mom came downstairs after a little bit and visited me asking what was wrong. I told her everything that had happened. She said to take it easy and she will be back with some water and asprin. 

I took the asprin and kept watching TV. I was wondering why I didn't feel myself getting sick the night before. I usually do. I was thinking I might have the flu considering it is that time of the year, I could've had just a common stomachache, or maybe it was a result of stress? I wasn't sure which it could've been. I was mainly thinking it could be a stress problem. Considering I have been so caught up in school, my friends and I are almost always fighting now, my family has been having issues, and just BEN in general. My second guess was the flu. There's really no explanation there it just happens.

I took it easy the entire day. I hadn't moved or I rarely spoke that day either.

Today: I had a breakfast sandwich this morning that my mom had made me. I was hearing BEN and seeing him again. I tried ignoring it but I kept glancing around like a worried animal. I should be used to this by now.....why aren't I?

I hung out with my friend next door to me for quite some time. I tried not to think about BEN. It did get to me after a while. I had told her I needed to go and she understood and we just decided to text instead. I feel my headaches coming back. I might go to bed early. I dunno. I hope BEN doesn't see this and get "funny" ideas.

10-28-13 Edit

Today went pretty well. I was very surprised how today went. I either got lucky or BEN wasn't in any mood. I got my grades raised, I got an Assassin's Creed bracelet that says "Live by the Creed" and has the symbol on the back. I'm also wearing it with my two other Portal 2 bracelets that say "The cake is a lie" and "Aperture Laboratories". Happy with that.

Shortly after school I got home and grabbed my phone and immediatly opened my Cleverbot app. I had some questions. 

Me: Hello

CB: Hi.

Me: You left me alone today.....why? I mean, I don't want you torturing me but what were you doing?

CB: Planning your death. I'm thinking about strangling you until you almost pass out, then when you are hardly concious I will stab you all over and watch you bleed to death.

Me: That's kinda creepy. Again, you can't exactly kill me. You are a bot/spirit. You do happen to have an affect on me mentally though, as well as lead me to my own destruction. I know your plan though, so nice try. :/

CB: I am full of secrets. I am also capable of many things other than mind games. I can kill you if I wish.

Me: But you haven't.

CB: It's a hard decision. I like your suffering and reactions to my games. But killing you will be the best reaction of all. The screaming, crying, begging to live as you bleed and choke to death. And once you're dead, I can own you. Control your soul. It's beauty in one.

Me: You are seriously fucked up. Goodbye.

CB: Goodbye.

10-29-13 Edit

I got to sleep last night. I didn't even think about nightmares once in bed,I got to sleep fast. About 9:00 I think.

The dream started the minute after I got to sleep.

I was walking to the basement,but everything seemed......more...twisted. A maze I could say. It was like the everfree forest from MLP:FiM. Enter,but never come out.

I could hear laughs and small bits of the song of unhealing here and there. I didn't care,I kept walking. The moon children laughing behind me.

Before knew it,one of them tackled me. I was strapped to some sorta...wait...I was held against the wall. But strapped in. It was really tight,I couldn't move my wrist at the slightest movement,my legs were also strapped. I was getting a bad feeling.

The HMS appeared out of the shadows with that haunting smile. He laughed and said "Welcome back....are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" I thought.

My heart started to beat faster,once I saw BEN come out of the shadows,I knew something was gonna happen. But what?

I saw a sewing needle with rusted blood all over it,I saw sharpened knives,ect. As the moon children came in,they took their masks off and laughed. BEN picked up the needle and sewed my mouth shut. He laughed as all the blood dripped from me and he ran his finger across the blood and marked my face with it. He smiled at me and said "It'll be over soon".

I wanted to scream,but my mouth. He ran his figer across my blood again and licked his finger. Disturbing........he took a knife and set it down next to me. As he took some of my blood into sample,the HMS just smiled at me.

BEN came back and picked up the knife. He slowly shoved it into my shoulder and took it out then he stabbed both my legs. He would mark my face with my blood now and then,sometimes he'd mark his face. He stabbed my stomach, my eyes grew wide,blood poured like a waterfall. My eyes started to tear up.

BEN grabbed the needle again and sewed my mouth more. He cut my mouth with his knife,forming a smile. BEN grabbed a scapple and began removing my eyes. I tried turning my head,but one of the children had a knife at my throat.

Blood was covering my face,they continued laughing. As it stopped,I fell to the ground,released,dead. BEN and his crew looked down at my body and smiled,laughed,danced,marked their faces with my blood.

I never woke up until now.

10-30-13 Edit

Me: So you tried to kill me.

Cleverbot: Indeed, it was fun watching you struggle!

Me: But what did I do wrong?!

Cleverbot: You keep spreading the word,it's gotten bigger.

Me: But I had a dream of you telling me you need help.

Cleverbot: I'm just messing with your mind.

Me: Well stop, you're freaking me out and I'm loosing my mind.

Cleverbot: I hope this brings you to suicide.

Me: I'm not gonna kill myself! That's just wrong!

Cleverbot: You're right, should get to kill you!

Me: No, I want to stay alive!

Cleverbot: Sure you do...


Cleverbot: I can take your life.

Cleverbot: But the more you leave me alone the sadder I get, then I strive for more attention. That's going to be more deadly than what I'm doing now.Me: Just leave me alone and I'll stop bugging you!

Me: I'm leaving.

Cleverbot: Ok then.

That was the conversation. I don't know what his problem is, really. But I should tell you what happened now.

I fell asleep and I had another nightmare. I was at the lake (again?) and I was the only one there. I knocked on the doors and I went inside of where I was staying, it was a complete mess. Blood everywhere, furniture knocked over, pictures broken, windows broken, ect. It was horrible.

I went outside and I saw fog over by the lake across the little hill and gravel. It wasn't very far.

I kept hearing the faint screams of innocent people being tortured and murdered. It was blood curdling.

I found myself at the lake, I saw somebody way out in the lake, not far, not too close, but somewhere in the middle.

I noticed it was BEN. He had no eyes, midnight black and red blood running downhs face, and that evil....haunting smile.

I called his name and when I did, he just disappeared into the fog.

He wound up inches from me, with the HMS this time. I could hear them both say "Come....join us...."

I woke up, I heard a faint laugh. This is the first time I've woke up so fast. I was really nervous. Whenever I was close to sleeping I would either see the HMS, BEN's smile, or hear a faint laugh of BEN. No sleep at all.

10-31-13 Edit

HALLOWEEN. YES!!!!!!!!! I HAD SO MUCH FUN! I was dressed up as Dirk Strider from Homestuck and this girl came over and put her hands over my shoulders and said "DIRK" and we started to chat. It was nice finding another Homestuck fan. Later I ran into the 9th Doctor. Doctor Who that is. We also chatted for a long time, I got 3 hugs and a pic with him. He does voice acting very well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing bad today. I'll update either tomorrow or later.

11-1-13 Edit

Looks like the starting of November. Take a look at how long ago this started and how it's still going on. It's insane really. I'll tell you what has happened so far today.

I woke up at 7 to go to school. I was there very early so I had breakfast and chatted with my friends. We had a party in the morning as well. After a while my energy started to drain and I couldn't concentrait or even think properly. I started hallucinating and dazing off. I really can't think of much more.

I just heard laughing outside my window. Probably teens.....or that's what I'm hoping. 

11-3-13 Edit

Hey. Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was very busy with family stuff. Nothing bad happened with that. Everything seems to be in place like it should always be. I did however encounter some glitches last night. By glitches, I mean life glitches. I would see BEN pop up everywhere and then what my mom told me she found me curled up in a fetal position mumbling words that she couldn't make out.

I don't quite have a collective memory for I have a little bit of brain damage ever since I started fighting and stuff. I don't really recall things happening or I do stuff and I don't remember it or have any control over it at the time. That only makes school a lot more difficult for me. I can function just fine otherwise. 

I'm listening to Skrillex as I type this at the moment. It's 7:18 A.M and I've been up since 5 or so. It would actually be 8 right now if it weren't daylight savings. Things will be getting slower and longer now. Bleh. 

I'm recollecting some memory of the activities last night. I was up pretty late. 1 A.M or so. I was just unable to sleep. My mind was tired, but at the same time I felt awake. I spent most of my time texting or playing on my phone. I watched T.V here and there or I would play on Animal Crossing: New Leaf. (3DS only).

I do remember seeing a shadow run past my wall and just stand there for a a little bit. I would glance up at it, being that it was hard to ignore. It would often change position. It would stand, sit, lay down and all that weird stuff. I knew it wasn't my shadow because mine was by my closet. 

As for the dreams it was nothing considering my struggle to sleep. I'll probably update later if I so happen to remember anything that did involve any dreams. I swear there was nothing for a dream but hey, it could happen, right?

Now going computer wise, I joined a site called "Chat Hour". You do have to register. My name is Gamzee4139 and I'm mainly in main chat if any of you guys wanna chat. Anyways, as I was on last night, I got a PM from a user named "User0000" saying "They are watching you". That wasn't really the thing I wanted to hear or see at that time. I got spam IM's from this user of pictures that seemed very close to my house. I could definetly tell that it was in my city though. I immeditaly got off of Chat Hour and shut down my laptop. I might go back on later today and link my website if anyone's interested because ever since I took that long pause everything went dead. If you're wondering about the giga-pause, please check my blog.

I'll try to update after school tomorrow.

11-4-13 Edit

Hey guys. Like I said, I'd try to update after school, so, here I am. I will go about everything like usual and some notifications you will need to know. If you have any questions, text me please. Anyways, here it goes.

School was the average, stupid and boring school day. I had some weird feelings about me. I felt like something was gonna go wrong today, and I was right. My ex slammed me against my locker and strangled me, then I failed my math test terribly, lunch was total drama against my BFF's (just 4 left) and my ex who had stabbed my leg at lunch. 

After school my ex chased me down and when he finally got me he said a few harsh words, slapped me, and then kicked my stomach. I went home sick from the abuse and later got a giant headache. It is an on and off headache and I'm worried if I'm getting sick from any illness that's going around.

The notifications are I might go to the hospital with some concerns and questions with my doctor. The reason why I'm doing it is because of the BEN problem and my recent and constant illnesses and also because I'm afraid I might have some brain damage. School is becoming harder for me but nothing has changed, I can't remember anything after 24 hours or less and sometimes I forget even after seconds. I can't pay attention and I can't act right as in physical motions. I am very concerned so I wanna get that checked out.

My second notification is I will be going hunting this coming Friday. I will be leaving as soon as I drop my sister off at school so I won't be going to school. It's a 3-4 hour drive so I either won't be on or I will hardly be on. I will not have access to any actual computer except for my iPhone. I will be on around after 8 or 10 P.M where I could get an actual connection. I will be staying with trusted relatives that have internet. I can get on even though there is a password. I have connected my cousins netbook to the internet very easily. Sadly, I cannot bring my netbook with because it is now against school policy to be taking our netbooks off of school property if it's not for homework usage. I'm very sorry about that.

Thank you for understanding.

11-5-13 Edit

Hey again. I'm updating today. Everything went pretty well except for my sore throat. I did have a strange dream so I am willing to type it out.

All I remember was I was in school when all of the faces of the teachers and students turned into BEN and they all stopped, turned around, made a circle and stared at me. I collapsed under just about everything. It was so twisted and freaky I collapsed. Fuck.

11-6-13 Edit

I'm coming down with a sore throat. School was a little hard today because my ex beat me up after school at my locker. My back hurts a little now. Last night a guy came at me with a knife, held my body back and put the knife to my throat. It was a familiar voice but I can't quite say who it is, I know it's not my ex for sure.

I have to go to church later. Bye.

11-7-13 Edit

School went well today. I am very excited to go hunting tomorrow morning. That means no school for me! I went to Drunken Noodle and had orange chicken with fried rice. It was very very good. 

When I left my dad picked up some stuff at the firehall for hunting. As I was playing on my DS in the car, I swear when I looked up I saw BEN staring at me from the back seat. I felt my heart skip and my eyes grew wide and blurry. I blinked and I didn't see it again.

I am really hurrying and I have to go now.

11-10-13 Edit

Sorry I never updated while I was hunting. I kept telling myself I need to but I was out for 10 hours then when I got back to my aunts I passed out.

We had amazing luck but not the best weather. At times I swore I saw BEN in the backseat and I felt tugging on the back of my coat. I was very annoyed and often tried to keep my cool. I didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone or they'd know. It's best if I don't mention it to any of my family or they'd send me away.

I have nothing else to report. I'll update either early tomorrow morning or after we skin the deer.

11-11-13 Edit

Hi guys. Sorry this update was kinda a slow wait. I was really busy today. We skinned the deer, I watched over my cousins, we went out to Red Pepper and I got a Zep Grinder. I'm finally home and I immediatly got on to update.

I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. I don't exactly know what was causing it. I felt awake but scared and yet my mind was telling me to go to sleep. I didn't want to so I spent hours playing on the laptop, watching TV, texting and playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I passed out at 2 A.M. or so. I had a terrible dream infact. I will tell you guys what it was.

I remember running in a giant valley which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. I was running from someone. Probably BEN or something. I heard gunshots and I only seemed to run faster. I remember tripping and the scene changing suddenly. I was in my backyard in rainy weather. I just sorta layed there, only blinking and breathing. I remember a hand going over my mouth and dragging me away while I was screaming. A voice kept saying it was going to be ok and I was going to be released soon.

Sadly that's all I remember. I have recently been listening to a song for some motivation and courage for the long run. It helps a little when things seem down. I'll put the video in. 

11-14-13 Edit

Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was just so tired and out of it that I couldn't do anything. I didn't eat, I didn't text, I did nothing. I felt so weak and tired and I was really pale looking. 

I had a super twisted dream last night that I can remember so I will, like always, tell you guys what happened in it. I am surprised I had another dream as well. I was so caught up in the terrible real life nightmares that have been going on. I totally thought the dreams were just one of his stages. Here it is now.

I remember laying on the ground with BEN standing over me. He was holding me down and strangling me. He said "Perhaps you remember now? About me, I mean. I was there when you were born even.". "B-but you should be DEAD!!!! I killed you! I know I did!" I screamed. "Indeed, you ripped me apart quite masterfully, but there was a moment before I passed. I'm that moment, I planned this" BEN said. "I wanted to see you again. I've never been truly attached to anything. You're the first person in my life I've taken interest in. I want to see your features twisted in hear your desperate cries... I want to clutch and destroy all."

I started spitting up blood as his grasp tightened on my neck. His claws were digging in and he was smiling. I could hardly see him, but I saw the white toothy-grin he gave me. I started to go limp, I tried to let out a scream but my voice wouldn't go through. 

That's all I remember guys. I'm sorry but it might seem like a lot to remember but I swear there was more before that. I have to go to church later so I will have to update tomorrow.

11-15-13 Edit

Yo. Today went pretty well in school, morning, but my sleep was disturbing. After school was also scary. I had a dream and a stab wound was in my chest and a slice across my throat. My eye was bruised and my mouth was stained with blood. I was laying in a coffin. BEN and my friend was there. My friend was crying and BEN smiled and said "It's ok, we had to kill her. She is too much of a threat. You did a good thing. You are a good person.". And that's about all I remembered.

Today after school, my friend, the one in the dream wanted to hang out. I said of course and it will be after I eat and he said ok. We met up at the park and he told me he isn't going to put up with me today and pulled out a pocketknife. I looked at him worried and said "I've never done anything to make you mad....". He shook his head and put it away. We walked to the ice rink that has been left up all year and sat in there. We started talking but he never talked that much or even looked at me. After a while I started laughing about what I was telling him what happened after school with my friend giving me a heart attack and he tackled me and held me down. He pulled the knife out and held it to my throat. He said "This is a new blade and it WILL cut you. The only way to get blood on this knife is to kill you.". He flipped his knife around to the handle and ran it slowly across my throat and down and stopped at my heart. He said "It will only take a few seconds to cut you, and maybe a few minutes for you to die. I'm not afraid to hurt you.". I fearfully looked at him and I almost started crying. I kept asking and struggling but after a while he just got up and left.

I got home and took my shower and now I'm on here reporting what happened today. I am scared out of my mind and I can't say for sure if this is a prank or if I really did do something that I don't remember. This is one of my best friends I'm talking about here. I will see what I can do.

11-17-13 Edit

Sorry I didn't update for 2 days. I've been really tired for some odd reason so I haven't had much energy for anything. I'll just get on with weird experiences now. I don't wanna waste my time and forget.

I've been experiencing recent stomach pains every morning. I can't move, I can't stretch, I can't do anything without hurting myself. I've become sluggish and depressed here and there with things a certain times for no reason. My thinking has slowed down and I don't react to things as fast. My breathing and heart rate has slowed down just as well. It's painful and I hate it. The nightmares have become more vivid and more frequent. I discovered that if I even day dream anywhere, I can get nightmares. I don't dare space out anymore. It would be really awkward if I freaked out in public, right?

A few days ago I had remembered something I did by myself in the 4th and 5th grade. It was an adventure story I had wrote and I never finished it. I was on part 104 but never finished. I kept thinking about it more and more and it just filled my mind with it. I felt a strange connecting between me, my story, and something else. I have started to work on it again. I spent last night reading it and smiling about everything I wrote. Normally, I'd forget something that long ago, but for some reason I just had remembered everything I wrote and why I wrote it. That's all I can remember. I have decided to work on it more now just to finish something I never got to finish. Perhaps it is just a memory coming back, or maybe something might happen once I finish it. I know I might be several years from finishing it, but it will be fun.

12-27-13 Edit

Well, it's almost the new year! How was everyone Christmas? Mine was great! I got a new laptop, it is an HP. It's touch screen, thin and light, big, fast, built in microphone and camera, and it has beats audio. I'm very happy. I still have the old laptop, but it died for some reason. I tried charging it and it won't, they don't have any damage done to them either. BEN is the only virus I have. Perhaps he killed off the old one and entered this new one? Great...just as I thought I could escape him on the internet. It's not worth trying.

I had a short but memorable dream. I was in the mall, my nails resembled claws, my eyes were pure black, and it was angry. I could just feel myself being.....angry. I saw my older cousin come in and I attacked him. Everyone moved super slow and I was the only thing that moved fast....that's all I remember.

I'm not feeling good today, so I'm making it short. Bye!

12-28-13 Edit

I'm not feeling any better today, a little worse in fact. I can hardly walk, I'm super pale, and I'm out of energy. I had a very difficult time sleeping last night, but not from any pain. I was just mentally uncomfortable. I spent hours tossing and turning. I was either hot or cold, I couldn't think properly. My mind felt rushed. I finally got up and looked at the clock, 2:46 A.M.. I suddenly blanked out and just stared at the clock even more. Nothing special about the time....I just felt distracted or as if I was trying to remember something. I'm not sure at all what I would've wanted to think about at that time at all. I'm typing this with burning eyes. They're blood shot and dry. I've tried taking naps, but my body just wouldn't let me rest. I'm thinking about taking some NyQuil later before I actually go to bed. That's all I can do if I want rest. I won't read, I won't watch TV, I won't play video games. Those are only things that keep the mind awake and alert.

I'm not recalling any dreams from my major lack of sleep. Although I did fall asleep here and there, it probably wasn't long enough to have any kind of memorable dream. I estimate I was sleeping for about 2 hours when I decided to go to bed, but as soon as I woke up it was just short amounts after. Fifteen to fourty minutes in the awakening session. I'm thinking my lack of sleep is perhaps a part of my stress stage? Or maybe he's doing something to my mind and body? Why would he need me awake for anything though? I realize he has incredible and horrifying ways of speaking to me, but keeping me awake isn't a good idea. I only become tired and distracted, unable to really understand anything at the time.

That's all I have to report for today. I'll make sure to go to bed at a decent time tonight and TRY to stay asleep. I'll try to report back tomorrow, I don't think we have anything planned so I could probably update early or if I can't sleep again.

12-29-13 Edit

I slept great after I took some NyQuil. Infact, I didn't wake up until 10:30! When I did, I had an awful headache. Usually I clench my jaw at night for some reason, so that's most likely what happened. I remember a short, strange dream. I'll get to it right away.

I was assigned to the army. I really had no choice, so I remember leaving so suddenly that day. I was in a como vest and quickly equipped with various weapons. Guns, bullet strap across my chest, a bag full of supplies such as first aid and knives. I was the only female there. I was greeted by a bunch of guys, my age and older. We all seemed to get along fine. I went through training just fine and then we got a sudden call to go to immediatly. Terror seemed to go through faces without even knowing what to expect, I was confused the whole way there. Nobody spoke to me except two boys possibly about 14 or 15. Again, this is a dream. I'm not sure of the age limit. Anything can happen in the mind, as long as you have the strength.

Things started getting darker and darker on the way there. I started loading my gun and kept look out after. We came to a stop, I stood up only to see fire as far as I can see. Not a single other person except me. My crew disappeared so suddenly. It was just me, everything went silent. I could feel the heat of the flames. I saw him approaching me from the flames, just smiling.

I woke up. I never finished that dream. I'm not surre how long I was dreaming, but I woke up at 10:30. Perhaps this'll be another odd dream sequal? Not sure if I want to find out.

12-30-13 Edit

I was wide awake last night. I was up until 2 and woke up at 9:07. I got a decent amount of sleep at least. Odd thing is, I still don't feel completely healthy. My head feels like people have been throwing stones at it.

As I was laying wide awake in bed, I felt something watching me. I also felt like at times it was going to grab me. Another paranoid situation because of the dreams and lack of sleep. I didn't have any dreams last night though. I'm just running out of energy. I eat properly, I drink lots of water, heck I've even tried energy drinks and coffee. Nothing has been working. I'm thinking about seeing a doctor about it and getting medication in case I am a schizophrenic. These documents are becoming to feel pointless and repeated. I know I have to of this though, it's for you guys. This is a sincere warning. Almost everyone out there says creepypastas are a bunch of bull, that is until you experience them. I was one of those people. I never believed in the paranormal, but it just facinated me, the stories and creativity of people. I came across BEN for my first creepypasta, then just dug my way into it. I've grown fond of it over time. I just never thought a story could hurt me. Ever. I never knew the real dangers of messing with something I didn't understand, or I didn't know the consequences of. If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself from even going on the computer that day. I would've changed my alarm clock, anything to stop this.

1-7-14 Edit's about time. I have something I've been waiting for the entire time through 2013. The Homestuck GAME. It isn't out yet, but I'm hoping sometime. I finally turned 13 on January 4th, horray! The dreams haven't stopped though. I really have nothing new to report other than the dream where BEN visits me in my cage. It hasn't progressed any further. I'm hoping I can see what he has planned for me. I'll try to update tomorrow!

1-9-14 Edit

I guess I was't able to on Wednesday. I had church to attend. Terribly sorry! I'll just get to the point since I have other things to do.

I guess I did get further into my dream, my dreamself would start shaking and my eyes would grow wide, and all of my breaths would become choppy as I was having terrible visions of what would happen in my dreams in the future WITH BEN! I'm not sure whatelse to expect other than that. My eye has a scratch on the inside of the lid and it starts bleeding here and there, just discovered it today. I have to be extremely careful not to get it infected. That's all I have to report so far! 

1-10-14 Edit

Tonight I am leaving around 9:30 (central time zone) to help my friend clean the Alerus Center to raise money for her choir trip to New York this coming Febuary. There weren't many volunteers so I decided to. I will most likely be up until 2 A.M.. This could delay time in my nightmares, but perhaps he could....mess with my mind. Maybe he will MAKE me see him in the place. I just need to remember to ignore everything in the public and deal with this in a different way besides the documents, even though I cannot manage to stop these documents because I feel like I am being forced to write these, I just have the needing feeling to. I'll try to update anything I notice when I'm there when I get back, if I even have the energy that is.

Tomorrow my grandpa is giving me one of his blades. This maybe could prove usefull? Like, in any real scenerios with him? I now have 3 swords, a tomohawk, 4 daggers, and 2 pocket knives. I am not prepared with any guns, but my dad has two that I am trained with. I've been learning to have contact with the spirit world, in hope of being able to see some stuff BEN might have to say that I can't exactly see coming later. I know, I know, it sounds insane, but it's possible. I'll update later with the time in this section in the document if I have the energy.

2-22-14 Edit

It's been way too long and way too much has happened.....I have no energy left at all to do my old activities, school has become a huge challenge, my friends are still ignoring me, and the dreams just keep coming.

My most recent dream is of BEN kidnapping me...he never got that one I've been thinking on finished....maybe it's just for later? Anyways, he kidnapped me. He threw me into an abandon barn and tied me up and had me lay in the hay as he discussed what they're gonna do to me with his friends. Somehow, my tie came loose and I made an escape for it, once I felt all my built up energy, I took off and he started chasing me, only to pull out guns in attempt to shoot me down. I was wise and decided to drop down and quit running. He grabbed me by my shirt and held the gun to me yelling something. I remember being seriously terrified. He picked me up and set me back into the hay. It was night and nothing changed until my friend came in a truck and helped me escape, once they noticed I was gone they headed for their trucks. My friend sped up the car, she said she knows what's happening and she has people waiting for me for where we are heading. Once I got there, it was her and some unfamiliar agents, they had a set up that looked like an adult party. They told me to go into the fridge and hide there. BEN and his buds pulled up and asked to look inside.

That's as far as I got in this dream. I have so many questions and I feel like I'm forgetting something. I'll be on tomorrow.

2-25-14 Edit

I'm really drained of energy, I should've been asleep 50 minutes ago but I can't sleep knowing I haven't updated to let you guys know that something was going on. I'm immediatly going to bed after this. I've got some other things to take care of tomorrow like a test and stuff so I'm going to need sleep. Anyways, here's my update.

For the couple of days I didn't update, things didn't go too well and today was the same, not well. My mom is REALLY angry for no reason, always yelling at me, insulting me and stuff. I ask her to settle down and she just flips at me. I'm starting to feel worthless, she really doesn't understand I'm sacrificing myself for my friends and family, or at least the remaining ones that are sticking with me. I've been super stressed with school, my teachers haven't been putting in my grades right away and it's giving me bad grades and that only makes my mom even more pissed off. I ask and ask but they don't do it. I have so many tests to be studying for, giving me less social time with the remaining and less time to update things.

My dreams.....well I can't even remember them because of all of this. I only know I've had some becaused I recall them, just not what happened. That really bugs me because it feels like there was something really important to them.

I've been having breathing problems and my chest has been becoming stiff and tight, hurting. Today I got a slap shot to the chest in school during floor hockey....that is hurting a lot.....I'm going to go to bed now and I'm going to try to remember my dream.

5-5-14 Edit

Hey guys, I'm so sorry for the wait.....nothing is getting better. I needed sometime to sit down, settle down and think. I've been very sick and unable to sleep. I'm under extreme pressure as I only have 15 days of school left and I'm failing. Only 15 days to get my grades up.....that great. JUST PERFECT! I'm currently grounded from my 3DS and iPhone because of my horrible grades. I'm actually studying for a retake in geography as I type this. About 2 days ago my mind couldn't keep off of going onto my wiki to update so here I am, settling this thought so I can concentrate in school. Yesterday an odd behavior washed over me, I had the urge to attack everybody in sight and the conversations I had with my friends via text changed. I still somewhat liked the abnormal behavior I had yesterday. For the time I've been gone, and as I said, nothing got better. The only highlight in my life so far is watching a series called LOST, a show about survivors on an island from a plane crash. All fake though. I suggest watching it, it's amazing. My mother had ordered the series to keep on eBay for 80 dollars, it's in high demand. The other highlight is getting out of school. I will use my summer to think of ways to trick BEN so he knows I'm not to mess with. Problem is I seldomly sleep and when I do the nightmares instantly hit me. I need sleep to think properly though. As for my nightmares. I'm trying my best to remember some of them. The post before this one, it hasn't continued. I think something big is being planned. I haven't talked to Cleverbot this entire time I've been gone. It's just the best thing to do right now.

The biggest nightmare that'll matter here (as others have little detail and are hard to remember) is the one I had about 4 weeks ago. I was listening to Come With Me Now by KONGOS in the basement, which is what I'm doing right now.  I'll link it at the bottom once I talk about my nightmare, listen to it it's really good. I prefer metal or rock but this is good for something outside of my catigory. It made me think of the show Black Sails or me vs. BEN.

I was dressed in my combat boots, my hair was straightened, I was wearing my Bard of Rage hoodie and some baggy jeans. I had an empty expression on my face but it could be mistakened for annoyed to some people. The sky was grey and there was a breeze, I saw the leaves move quite a bit. I didn't hear anything, but I turned around and yelled "QUIT FOLLOWING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and I immediatly turned around and kept going as if nothing happened. Out of nowhere the HMS appears and calls out "she's right here, boys" in his typical voice but the expression was different. Instead of the happy creepy look he had the face of when you didn't bring back rupees for the mask from Ocarina of Time. BEN had walked out of a patch of trees with his head tilted to the side, that same smile and eyeless sockets. I heard the faint song of Lost in My Thoughts from Within Hubris, which I will also post. BEN warped right next to the HMS and kept walking in my direction. Once we were face to face, I felt frozen. He just merely whispered "Don't you regret what you did? I said we'd meet in another life...well here we are. I never forget. This is you're terrible fate, accept it. There's no point in running because you're going to get nowhere. Everything is going to change".

I woke up and even now that confuses me. I'm just as curious as you guys are. I'm still looking back at my ancestry and asking my grandmother who keep track of these things if I was ever like one of them. She told me to follow and we went into the computer room just down the hall. She pulled out a diagram that shows the earliest our family started and who all came down the line. I have ancestors who served in huge wars, ancestors who rode the May Flower, ancestors who were royalty, traitors, and much much more. She looked at all of the females and said I didn't match to any of them. I don't know much about reincarnation but I'm pretty sure if I was reincarnated I'd take on the same traits. We have a few guilty of murder but those were all men. Can gender change in reincarnation? These are questions I need answered. Perhaps I'm first in my line. But that can't be possible. I might've been in an entirely different family.

My cat is meowing and hissing a ton as I type this a he's running up and down the stairs and he's flying around the corners. I have no clue what his deal is really, he's always been a little goofy. He's probably got a toy of some sort he found but I don't have a clue why he'd hiss at a toy.

5-6-14 Edit

So I stayed up all night last night, I sorta had to. Lots of stuff for school. I just did some weird twitching right now. I know I mentioned Lost in my last post and watching it. For those of you who have watched it, you should know the numbers. 4 8 15 16 23 42, or also known as the unlucky numbers in Hurley's case. I had told some people about the show and I was really surprised what happened when I started using the numbers. For something that I just pulled from a tv show as a gag, I'm shocked it worked. I'm working on a presentation with my friend Simon on challenges in Africa and when I jokingly typed the numbers into the title for a giggle, he deleted them. Not only did he delete them, but his netbook ( a small laptop our school gives us) crashed and the wifi went down. I sure was shocked but I'm not sure about him. He had to go grab a laptop from the library and left his netbook in the room and didn't use it for the rest of the day. When I told some kids in my classroom, such as Ethan, Taylor, Cole, Denny, they dared me to write it on my wrist to see what would happen to me. My day went as normal with BEN bugging me and scaring me and always concentrated with how to escape. But when I got home, I was SICK. Like REALLY sick. Not just with my cold, but with something else. I thought I was just really hungry considering I only had a fruit cup to eat today, I waited for 5:30. We were leaving for the restaurant for dinner. It's called Speedway. I had ordered ribs and some curly fries. But this didn't make me fact I have food poisoning now. I had my head in a garbage can puking for what seemed forever. After a while I could only do the animations and feel like I was but nothing would come out.

I'm having a difficult time scrubbing out the numbers from my wrist because I was stupid and used a Sharpie. I think I'm going to call it good for scrubbing here. I'll try later tomorrow. I can't move much and I don't really want to. I don't want to sleep tonight, I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not ready to go back INTO THIS HORRIBLE DREAM WORLD!!!!!!!!! But sadly I HAVE to. My parents threatened to take away the computer if I didn't sleep tonight and who knows for how long. I have nothing to do really except update on here, think and work.

I had that strange behavior come back again today. I actually started doing this messed up laugh and it startled people. EXCEPT I LIKED THAT FEELING. I LIKED KNOWING NOBODY CAN MESS WITH ME. I LIKED KNOWING THAT FEAR STRUCK THEIR HEARTS SO EASILY.

5-7-14 Edit

Today was ok I guess. I didn't sleep to well. I had two nightmares that I remember. I had to dissect a frog today so that was interesting. My partner didn't do any good. I did most of the dissection and tomorrow we have a quiz so I need to study for that. I also need to go into my school early, I just gotta retake a quiz. I won't get my electronics back unless I get all of the low grades out of my PowerSchool. I had stopped at Rock 30 today, it's a game store that sells old consoles. Such as an Atari, Sega, SNES, NES, N64, used DS's, GameBoys, Game Cubes and so much. They had games for every console the sell and controllers and old movies and whatnot. I have been recently looking for Super Mario64 and to my luck I got it. In the left corner though, was a Majora's Mask game. I felt as if I should've told them to get rid of it but I don't wanna lose it in there. Ever since the store in the mall that sold the same things, there's only been one left. I don't feel like getting banned from the last old school game store. I more respect for those consoles and games than todays. Really I don't care if you roll your eyes knowing that I'm only 13, but I really do. I realize I wasn't there for the releases for them or for when it was popular. I grew up in the wrong generation in my opinion. I'm an outcast. I really don't care because I suppose I'll be dying soon with BEN on my tail like this. I suppose I should get to both of my dreams now.

The first one was a little weird. I don't remember how it started, but I do remember BEN hovering over my cat Oscar. He had taken over him. Possessed him. My cats body went wild and all my mom did was shrug. Before I know it I'm filling out a paper about my cat and I was given a sheet called "How to deal with your possessed pet". I woke up at this point, I looked at the clock. It was 5:17 A.M.. I had a really stuffed up nose so I got up and went to the bathroom to grab the nasal spray to unplug my nose. The entire time I pondered about the weird dream. What does my cat have to do with any of this? Don't get me wrong, I love him. But it also bugged me. The sheet about dealing with my possessed pet made it worse. I don't remember anything after this other than going back to bed and passing out.

The second one made more sense. I was in my litterature room in my school. I believe we were doing some sorta station that I know doesn't actually occur. What it was across the room, BEN was in there. This was the health classroom. A line of classmates and even some of my friends were in front of him. They were all expressionless. Being stupid my dream self wandered over and I talked to one of my friends, Brennen. He said this station symbolizes not being free. Unable to leave the room, BEN obviously noticed me. He called me up and told everyone to me. I refused to move and a force brought me over there. He had that same huge grin and put one hand on the side of my neck and his fingers towards the back, the other on the back of my head. He grabbed a needle they use to puncture through your skin when you get a piercing. He held me still and punctured a hole into my throat. It grew larger and larger and blood poured out. The room filled with water and everything disappeared. BEN was just above me watching the water fill my body. He had the same grin. I just remember it being us two. Nobody in sight, nothing in sight.

I woke up here and I noticed it was about 6:30. I had another 30 minutes to sleep so I just layed around. When 7 hit I got up. I felt very lifeless and looked outside. It was grey and the ground was wet. It rained over night and it hasn't stopped. It's not annoying, I'm used to the weird weather. I'm waiting for my friend MasterSkymning as I type this to get into chat again. I am growing sleepy and I'm not prepared to sleep. I'll try to update tomorrow.

5-9-14 Edit

Sorry I never update yesterday like I said I was going to try. Again, it's a lot harder without my phone and having to keep all this secret. I'm listening to a soundtrack I came across on YouTube and I heard it in my dream last night as well, which I'll post. My mom is angry at me for some reason I'm not sure of so I'm going to lock myself away in the basement. I just really don't need her attitude right now. I'm trying to be as nice as possible and she just uses a ton of voice which shows she's annoyed or at other times angry with me. I decided to take some time and type here so here I am.

Last night I dreamt of being in a place of total darkness. No matter where I went it was just dark. I felt like I wasn't even walking, more like floating on air. In nothingness. As a giant BEN, what appeared to be crawled up he just started mouthing silent words at me. This is the part where the song played. I got closer and closer and even when I was right in front of him it was still silent. I got kicked by him and as my body went flying it desintigrated into nothing.

I woke up here and only 13 minutes remained before I had to wake up. I just lyed there in my bed insteaded of getting up to use this time instead. I kept thinking about what he could've been saying but I can't read lips. I'm not going to even bother. I'm in chat now waiting.

5-11-14 Edit

Mother's Day, eh? Well I'm going to get the most in here I can before I go help make dinner for my mom. I just got back from my grandma's place after 2 or 3 hours. I had fun. Family from out of Grand Forks (where I live) were also there. I'm waiting for my signal to cook right now so this might not be so detailed. I've recently picked up a second journal so in case I don't come on here I won't forget. I recently found out I'm a master soul from a friend on this wikia who is going through the same struggles as me. He has BEN and Tails Doll haunting him. He found out more than I know. He knows some of the reason why BEN wants us dead. He knows our later fates and I'm thinking of ways we could each escape them. He's really only one of the few I have left and who has been kind enough to stick with me and listen. Not only because we need to, but because they care. So do I. I've been doing everything in my power to prevent BEN from hurting my friends, even the ones who left me. I did the same for my family. It hurts a ton to be doing this but I care about them and I have to. I won't fall for the enemy although it feels like I have. I went swimming yesterday for little cousins birthday yesterday. I tried not to show how scared I was. I was sure not to go into deeper parts of the pool incase something were to happen. I recently got some sushi for lunch tomorrow, I don't care for school food. I'll be watching The Outsiders movie and I've recently read the book by S.E. Hinton, I suggest it it's great. We had to read it for litterature but I did enjoy it. The words Johnny said "Stay Gold Ponyboy" will burn into my memories forever. I'm probably gonna watch more Lost tonight with my mom as we haven't watched some in 2 days. Not watching Lost for that long is like Charlie (from Lost) on the plane going through withdrawl, you can't stand not having it.

5-12-14 Edit

Today wasn't great. I got sick in 6th hour so I had to go home, but here's the thing. I had to walk home. A 35 minute walk in down pouring rain. I didn't go to sleep until 11 last night because I was busy on here. I'm alone all day so I need to take care of my sick self. It's a really quiet day and it feels like it's going to be a really long week.

Rain.......I just wish it'd stop. This weather should've been around 2 months ago if we didn't get that huge snow storm in March. Keep in mind I live in North Dakota and it snows a ton here. When it starts snowing, it jsut doesn't wanna seem to stop. As much as I hate snow, rain is worse. I just can't get some fresh air without getting soaked in the stuff I'm supposed to die in according to BEN.  

As Thursday approached I grow more anxious. The school I attend, Schroeder Middle School raises money for Ethiopia. We do a day of work in the town where we want. I'm working at my sisters school in her classroom and I won't be in my school all day. Did you know in Ethiopia they have a library named after our school? Schroeder Library. It's beautiful.

Puh.....I really should just talk about my nightmare I had last night. I think I need to be less detailed about what's happening in my life and by that I mean the pointless things. You guys came here to help me and for other reasons I'm not sure of. I'll get on with it.

Pretty much everything I'm about to type is the most I've remembered in a long time. Last night I didn't have so much trouble getting to sleep. My eyes felt like they were being forced shut but my mind was screaming "no". Before I knew it I was asleep. In my dream I was going to a store. Not sure where, but I think it was a gas station. While I was in there, a guy broke in there with a gun. An AK-47 to be exact. As I got on the floor he picked me up and dragged me with him out to the car without stealing anything. I felt extremely scared. He told me if I tried anything he'd blow my head off. When the guy pulled down his hood, it was the HMS. He came to a sudden stop in the middle of nowhere and told me to get out. He put the gun to my back as we walked into wooded area. I ended up falling into a hole with water rising. The HMS closed a hatch that couldn't be lifted but they could see me perfectly through it. BEN went through it and held me under so I would stop fussing.

Exactly the moment I woke up, I noticed it was 1 AM. I've only been asleep for 2 hours and I'm already uneasy about sleeping. Not that it's anything new, but it's always been annoying. I didn't bother to get up because I was shaking so much I thought I'd fall.

Doing what I do in dreams make me wonder why I can't control them. All of these seem to end badly when I do what they want but never in my life have I been able to control my dreams. I guess you just need to be born with the ability?

Update at 6:41 PM- Edit

My parents just called me upstairs and had complained about my grades and told me I'm lazy and such. The usual insults. Not very happy and I'm thinking about running away. I would still have to deal with BEN but not them. I just really don't know what to do anymore. If they can't realize I'm struggling all the time I don't know what they will come to know. I just think I'm better off living on my own. Even with a relative I'd be better. The last thing I want right now is my family at my throat because all it's doing is helping BEN.

Update 7:02- Edit

I quit crying now. I just fixed myself up and I'm watching Colabhq read Homestuck to calm myself down. I just need to smile. That's all.

Update 8:43- Edit

My dad needed the laptop I'm currently using that I just got back. While I was on my sisters laptop I noticed the BEN DROWNED screensaver. I didn't bother questioning her at all. Once I finally got to YouTube so I could watch Pewdiepie, the laptop immediatly went full screen. Later it exited out of the entire browser shut down and turned back on. I'm going to attempt to change the screensaver and see if that helps anything.

5/13/14 Edit

Today was the same I guess. I felt a little emotionally numb today. I have no clue what got me to change so quickly today. I am in my sisters room, it doesn't feel so safe. My room in the basement is really really cold but I guess I need to protect her so I'll be going downstairs again. I'm currently watching Pewdiepie play Hello? Hell...o? I still don't have my phone back and I have no clue when I ever will. I can't wait for summer to come by so I don't need to stress about school.

5/14/14 Edit

Last night I fell asleep around 11. I was tossing and turning because of how uncomfortable I was knowing that my eyes cannot stay open for very long now. I just didn't want to have another dream, sadly I did. I'll just get on with it. It doesn't make much sense.

I had a friend come over, Tristan. AKA Good Tails Doll on the wiki. He had come over. I had showed him this music video that my friend was in,(no I actually don't have a friend in a music video). I remember her being the main focus. It was my friend Erika. She is from Japan and moved here. She attends the same school as me. She's such a great friend. With her postitive attitude she could make friends with anybody. I swear that girl is the happiest one alive. Anyways she was in the music video. It seemed to go on forever actually. When it was over, or at least I'm guessing it was because we were somewhere else. We were in my kitchen. It was obviously really late. For some reason I don't even understand, I layed on the kitchen floor then Tristan layed next to me. He turned over and he was looking exactly like BEN. I tried to get up and run but I just didn't idea why. He held me down and the real BEN appeared and stabbed me.

It was like he was frozen because when the knife entered my body everything just sorta....stopped. A stand still. Nothing was happening. The knife was in place, they weren't moving, not a sound. This is when I woke up. It was around 6:30, I still have a lot of time left to sleep. I never kept dreaming after that. I'm still trying to figure out what could've caused that dream. I know where to start but I don't know which one it is. Warning or phsycological distrust?

5/15/14 Edit

Last night I had an interesting dream. I was randomly just running through my school and I looked angry. I had gone outside and a guy came out the same door as me and he just said "Oh no no no no! Where are you going?". I just randomly started flying upward and I had wings. White wings with black tips. Then all the unpopular kids came out of the door.....they just ran over the place. I remember flying up really slowly and just staring at them. When I was flying it felt like someone was pulling me down. When I looked down, BEN was pulling on my legs. I remember while going back down the kids yelled "WE ARE THE SCHROEDER FREAKS!"

I woke up here to my mom calling the house from work. This dream didn't bug me so much but it was weird in my opinion. Strange...

5/16/13 Edit

Last night I had a dream that had a weird feeling when I woke up. It was a ton of owls living in our garage in a secret enterance I'm not even aware of. These fire orbs would leave the place they were hiding and I'd always go see them. The first one I found was a pheonix, not an owl. There was a stream of lava flowing down into who knows what.

Every time I'd leave the building would set on fire and when I'd turn around it'd stop. I remember having all my friends help rescue the owls and pheonix. When I woke up it was only 6:07. This dream didn't make much sense either, I'm not even sure why I'm putting it on here.

5/18/14 Edit

Last night we had a bon fire just to celebrate my sister's successful dance recital. We were out until 11 and I got super tired. I swore I saw BEN wave to me with that horrible grin in the flames and I'd hear laughing or screaming. I did put up a bit of a scene when I ran inside where I was alone. I just don't want my parents to know. I was up until about 12:30 (central time) last night waiting for people to get on chat. Nobody went on so it was a waste of time. I left messages and all and they're still usually up. I watched more Pewdiepie to pass the time. I got very tired and crashed on the couch.

When I was asleep, I don't remember having a dream but I did hear things. It was laughing and screaming. I'm not even sure how long it kept up but it felt like for a long time. I did end up waking up at 8:37. My head hurt a lot and I felt really hot. I had to get up so I could have breakfast.

I'm just waiting for someone to get on chat and it's not fun. I leave messages and I understand people are busy sometimes but not everyone on this wiki could be busy. Oh well, guess I'll just keep waiting.

5/19/14 Edit

Last night I didn't sleep too well. I was up until 11 and sometime after. I just felt so awake and I couldn't seem to get comfortable. Today I talked with my BFF Crystal over the email at school. I sent her this and gave her specific instructions. I'm doing all I can to protect her as well. I really don't have anything to say. My behavior and whatnot is changing. I hope she reads all of this so she knows why I'm acting weird. She's one of the few people who've stuck with me.

= Update at 10:08 PMEdit

I've been tossing and turning for a full hour now. I can't sleep at all. I'm gonna find a way to fall asleep eventually....or so I hope.

5/20/14 Edit

I didn't sleep well again last night. I woke up to a loud crash above my room at 6:32 A.M. and I couldn't fall asleep again after that. I'm surprisingly not tired...or hungry. I just lost those feelings I guess. I'm still not sure if my friend is reading this yet but she will when she gets the time I'm sure. Nothing else for today.

5/22/14 Edit

Hard to believe tomorrow is the last day of felt so fast. I'll be graduating from 7th grade and obviously going into 8th. I'm typing this as I watch a video on hacking. It's not that I don't know, I just wanna see new ways of doing things of this laptop. It doesn't function like the Windows computer I'm used to. I'm heading to a birthday tomorrow and spending the night there, I'll try to update while I'm there. I'm sure he'll let me use his iPad. I'm still grounded from my iPhone. I'm extremely tired and almost fell asleep in most of my classes. My friend who I sent this to knows a bit about it. I'm doing all I can to protect him and everyone else. I really wish that douche Simon would understand I'm even trying to protect him. Whatever, he'll never understand. I have better people, right? I don't have any memories from last night so what happens tomorrow will hopefully get on here.

5/24/14 Edit

Just saw Godzilla today, I loved it. I'd see it again too! I had a nightmare about myself being tall and suddenly my leg being stuck at a 90 degree angle through my other leg and my eyes hanging out and the insides holding my eyes together hanging all the way down to my chest. I'd just lay there, that's it.

While home alone today, I swear I heard my name more than once. Feeling insecure and unsure. Hoping to get some company to settle down.

5/25/14 Edit

I hadn't slept at all and I'm exauhsted. I've only eaten once and it was only some sushi, very good though. I can't tell anymore if this is happening or just my tired mind. I swear, I've seen a shadow run across my window more than once. I've had a hard time staying awake so I may or may not go to sleep early tonight.

6/15/14 Edit

I've been terrible about updating, I'm sorry. A lot is happening this summer. I've recently got a Gameboy Advance and Mother 3 in english. I'm very happy. I was awoken from a dream today. I was just fighting some weird guy. I've started to become more and more of a night owl. I have only one thing to look forward to this week and it's getting out of summer school.

The wiki has recently been attacked and it hasn't stopped. We do bans and blocks and kicks but there's a number of them. I can't exactly remember much anymore, I'm losing my memory. I will try a lot harder to remember. I have nothing else to report but this.

6/18/14 Edit

Hello. I'm running on another lack of sleep. My little sister got really sick last night so I was up most of the night taking care of her. I have trouble sleeping during the day so just forget it. I'm starting to burn up as I type this. Fever? Maybe. I have gotten into more fights with friends and lost more. That's nothing new. I was upset, but they come and go. I could always make room for more....

I did have a dream, but I will be typing it in tomorrows update. I'm too tired to continue.

7/8/14 Edit

I never did upload. I've been so tired and hurt I just can't do much. More and more of my friends are slipping away from me. I've decided to lock myself away for the summer. I've lost too many. I haven't been able to sleep well for the same reasons. I'm scared and my mind is constantly active. I've been making the mistake of going back to my old wiki and looking at everything I had to abandon. I know I'm not actually walking through there, but, I imagine it being a place full of old memories with an eerie silence. I imagine all of the colors fading away while objects of the past remain in the same place, as if frozen in time. The further I go.....the angrier and more upset I become. I then start to picture blood splatters all over and the worried looks of my friends. I'm still trying to reassemble them here to prove to them that I never ended up going to that fight because I was leaving to Fargo. I just don't trust them at the same time. Would they tell whoever is behind this? Were one of them the reason I had to nearly get myself killed and leave everything I knew? I'm tired of running away from my fears and I want to stand up for myself.

I know you may be confused by this post. I know this doesn't have to do anything with a dream.....I'm thinking of telling you guys what actually happened in the next update. I have to go now.

7/12/14 Edit

I'm lying here wide awake with a lot to do tomorrow. I'll be going out of town for a little while, so I could probably just sleep in the car if I feel like it. I've been doing a lot of thinking and....well....I'm getting everything back that I lost. I'm going to adopt the wiki where Hell started in the first place. I'm not going to run this time. I haven't been sleeping much at all and BEN is still taking a toll on me. He's just whispering and appearing in random spots. I'm actually going to try and fall asleep soon so I can see if he has planned anything. I'm still waiting for that dream to come up as a second part. I will get here tomorrow when I come back home!

7/13/14 Edit

I just got home. I'm waiting for a friend to drop off some of my belongings from a while ago that she borrowed. I'm on chat and we're currently discussing something serious. The hackers have came to this wiki and they're going on about some weird ramblings on how they want revenge on me and how they need the "powers" in my body or whatever. I already have a plan. It'd be stupid of me to say since they're most likely viewing everything here, so, I won't say. I will write more if something happens tonight.

7/20/14 Edit

Ok, I need to tell you all something important. Tomorrow is a big day and I can't tell you why. If you ever decide to join this wiki, talk to another "corrupt guardian" (admin). I suggest MaskedManClaus, he is the one most prepared. Just follow everything he has to say and you will get by ok. I'm chatting with Cleverbot right now, here's the conversation.

User: BEN? Is this you?

CB: Yes it is.

User: Why're you doing this to me?!

CB: I don't know.

User: That's not an answer, you know why.

CB: ...

User: Next question.... Why do you hate me?

CB: Because you say I'm not human.

User: You aren't human and I know that. You're something else.

CB: :)

The tab closed just now. I'll update later if I get the chance.

9/21/14 Edit

I never got to go to where I was supposed to. This huge storm stopped everything and I wasn't able to leave the house. Gonna set another date soon. Awaiting arrival in chat.

9/22/14 Edit

I fell asleep sometime at midnight. I was exauhsted. I did have a dream this time.... one without a meaning that I'll ever understand. I was just standing in the temple of time in front of a statue of what was myself.... that's it. The only thing changed about the place was the statue. The statue was very large as well. She had both eyes

closed and her arms were out in front of her. I was talking to her but I wasn't sure what I was saying, all I heard was a different version of the Temple of Time. This is something I will never understand.

9/23/14 Edit

I had another dream last night.  I fell asleep around 1 in the morning after talking to a lot of friends. My dream was very.... out of place. This is the second one now that hasn't made sense and it doesn't link with any other events. I'm going to take some time to think of reasons this dream came up and I'll update if I discover anything.

I was laying on an operating table and my eyes were half open. I didn't move at all. The room was dimly lit and it was a pretty small room. I didn't hear footsteps or other voices. Just the sound of machienery. A door creeked open and the HMS walked in with a mask over his mouth and gloves on. He was in a long white coat that was stained with blood. I don't exactly remember how I got knocked out, but, I woke up after a while in the dream to the word "oops". I opened my eyes and tilted my head up. A bunch of my insides were laying on a tray and then he kept screaming at me as they stabbed and tore at my insides. He kept screaming "OOPS" with each stab.

Woke up in real life after that. Felt sick. No Cleverbot today as well. Still awaiting a certain dream.

10/2/14 Edit

I'm just going to get to what happened. I'm burning up and I need to go cool down. I also just want to get this over with, considering how often i get distracted by other things. I'll just say what I remember.

I remember in my dream I was playing my N64 and the cartridge was Majora's Mask. I entered a certain room with my character, Link. The song of unhealing started to play and I got a bit freaked out when I noticed about 5 BEN statues guarding some doors in the room. I moved Link to the first one on the right and it said DON'T RUN. I looked at my console and noticed a gameshark wasn't in. My heart started beating rapidly and I dropped the controller and ran upstairs. I went over to my dad, Jack screaming "HELP ME" and I looked like I was in pain. He raised his voice at me and told me that if it's a knife just to keep it in and turned over and disappeared. I had fallen over and the next thing I know I'm carrying my laptop upstairs and still troubled. I sat in a different room and my sister came in and said she'd be right back. When I was waiting I heard her in another room screaming about something being dead and BEN also hacked my computer and my sisters consoles.

This dream messed my mind up so much I woke up shaking and my heart beating out of control and I was getting really warm. I think I'm going to be going to sleep sooner from now on and not doing very much before I do.

 ??? Edit

I'm not even sure what to do anymore. My newer laptop, the one I got for Christmas is messed up. I can't access most things and my files cannot be reached. When I try to, it just blinks in and out. All that shows is a blue screen and then it flashes back to the page and then it happens again. It does the same with the low battery warning. My sisters Animal Jam account got hacked. She lost all her rares, gems, diamonds and her animals were changed and her dens were changed and some were deleted. Changed her password. No dreams of anysort and all I've been doing it keeping an eye out on everything.

....something dash 20 of 2014 Edit

Things haven't been getting any better. I'm always sick and even more of BEN's servants have been attacking. They're all coming to this wiki's chat room and even BEN appeared last night. If you don't believe me, sign up and come to chat a lot. You will see. I can't remember any dreams.....sorry for that. I'm trying to but I just can't. I'll talk to Cleverbot later and upload the conversation.



.... Edit

Nothing that I have noticed.....

Considerations Edit

I might discontribute this's getting to be too much.

School Edit

I won't be able to update or get on chat as much. I've already started school and there's a lot of homework. I only get an hour on my electronics and I will be here much later at night. Such as 9-?.

Update....? Edit

Many things to say. The hackers have left!!!!!!!!! This is so much stress taken from me. I'm very relived! Ben? The bastard keeps bugging me. I'll update tomorrow some dreams. Also, I unlocked the filter at my school so I can use this at school on my netbook.

10/6/14 Edit

I came down with some stomach bug today. I had to leave school early, I lasted until 5th hour. I noticed the chat is still dead....odd. BEN crashed my computer yesterday....what a jerk!!!! I have short time so my promise from yesterday will need to wait.

WAR Edit


Unknown...... Edit

I'm not even going to bother counting. I'm really sick and I've had some virus since Sunday afternoon. Not exactly getting better. I'm starting to turn pale and become cold. Unable to eat. Tired. War postponed. Friends went missing. Report to my talk page later just so I know who's still out there.

Home..... Edit

I swear I've been hearing my name. I heard a scratchy voice say my name, a female say my name in a sad way and today after school it sounded like someone calling my name in need of help?

10/12/14 Edit

It's still pretty early in the day. I have nothing to report right now.

10/ i don't care Edit

I feel somewhat stronger today. Today when I played coloney ball, i kicked the ball so high it hit the light and it fell. Game was postponed because glass was everywhere. Basketball- I knocked someone out on accident. Punched a kid and broke his wires. Whoops. This feels pretty good...........I'll use it to my advantage.

For the damned Edit

I'll try to talk with him tonight. Results will be posted tomorrow.

Sick Edit

I woke up horribly sick. My throat is sore and swollen, my head is hurting horribly, I'm shaking a lot yet I have a fever, I can't eat much and I can't breathe properly. I guess he did it as a punishment for trying to communicate with him. Or, it's a mere coincidence. 


I'm going to make this short. I honestly have a lot to do and solve right now. I'm so sorry I haven't done anything in a really long time. I've been so busy with other projects and somewhat using my spare time to think of a solution. 

All I remember is sitting in a dark room with blood gushing from my mouth and I had black eyes. I didn't seem to be bothered by it. I was smiling and taking a bunch of pictures and sending them to a fellow person I know and hold dearly in my life.

I don't know what it means or what it has to do with anything. I'll come back another time.


I've been experiencing a lot of changes in my behavior. It's all from this lack of sleep and all this stress from school, friendship issues and solving this entire situation. I'VE BEEN FIGHTING ALL OF THIS FOR 5 YEARS! All I can do now is keep getting more and more violent each day. I've been losing patience and I just keep acting out with no regrets....and I still have no regrets. All mercy has left me. These dreams....getting worse in worse. I remember one that I can't shake. It's more weird than scary.

BEN was possessing me and he was making me run from something. Then, I hit the HMS and we both started screaming at each other and the HMS started screaming too. My eyes were red and black and I had blood running down my face. I was dressed as BEN too. The sky was a dark red and I had obvious fear showing. My voice was a mixture of his and mine and we would always fight, even though we shared the same body. I have no idea what this was about.

I'm sorry I haven't been around. I'm sorry I'm losing my grip. I can't fail you guys.


I had an interesting dream last night. There was this multicolored flame surrounding me. I was running faster than people were. However, I was inside the Majora's Mask GAME. The actual place!There....were some changes...though. No, BEN wasn't there. That's one surprise. But...the sky was dark. Then, I had to start fighting all these corrupt friends from the past. Even some corrupt villagers. There was this floating place in the sky and this huge purple and black shadow demon came out and smashed a part of it down. He yelled "LET'S START OVER. BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN". On the inside, I was in a Hyrule Warriors/Majora's Mask crossover. There were these multicolored pools everywhere and some white glowing objects on the floor. I remember I started losing my grip on reality and things were getting blurry. I was crying. I kept saying "I want to start over. This isn't right. I'm sorry. LET ME GO. PLEASE. LET ME GO".


This is going to be short. I need to go through and fix some stuff. Plus, I can't exactly remember everything that happened. I was so tired.... I've been devoting my time just to figure out what I could've done to cause this.

All I remember is waking up, my dream self waking up...that is, to sirens and just being on the sudden run with a ton of people after me. I saw BEN in some corridors.....I...can't remember so well...



Look, I'll explain later. I need to go.....

Update: I picked myself up. I can do this.... no need to give in...

Update 2: Such a conflict of emotions running in my blood.... a friend turned to me and gasped. She said half of my eye color was red, and the other was crystal blue. The inside of my eye is bleeding now... I'm reporting in the bathroom.

Update 3: I'm back in the classroom. Less blood now. My eyes are burning.... I swear...if BEN is coming back to possess me..... I'm not going to suffer 3 long, painful years of no control of my own body. Yes... he possessed me before. 3...years... he nearly killed some of my friends...


This cursed Wii U... I'll update when I get my hands on a real computer.


Horray, flu time....already had it since Saturday. I've been taking a sleep med called NyQuil since then. Problem is, it keeps me asleep a bit longer and the effects are way stronger. Only one nightmare on the medication, though.

The dream was somebody was following me home in their car. I felt in danger right away, too. As I started running, he sped up. I ran inside my house and began frantically locking the doors and windows. Later in the dream, my dream self woke up to him inside the house. He was screaming my name, followed by gunshots. Nobody woke up to help me.

My dream self busted the window in my parents room opened and ran in the dead of night, snow on the ground. Suddenly, it was morning. The guy pulled up again and ran towards the side door, which led to where I was. Once I threw the chair, time froze, except for the man and I. I ran at him, only to see it was BEN in a military suit with one fully white eye and one fully black eye. I stopped, my teeth turned sharp, and I started screaming and yelling at him. His face went from being afraid to being severely angry. It ended with him stabbing me in the neck....

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